March 1, 1999 early in the morning. don't worry about when exactly.

I just swapped out my old entries. That link up there should work, and get you back there if you haven't seen the old ones. Today was a great day at church. Too bad Elizabeth missed it. Munchy, if you read this, I really thought today would have been wonderful for you. It was very good. Go Pastor Wai. :-) In case you don't know, Pastor Wai gave the little talk in Sunday School at HCC today. He talked about how to honor parents in light of passages like Eph. 6:1-2. I think I've changed my view in the last couple years, too. Before, I would have said, obey your parents until they ask you to do something explicitly against God. I would even add to that now, and say, make sure to keep them in the loop until you're married. I've heard this before from various sources (Mrs. Kohl being one of the big ones), about how the parents, instead of being responsible for the child, once the child is married, the relationship changes. It changes into a chain of counsel instead of a chain of responsibility. I'm not sure how to explain this, but that's the way I think it's supposed to be. I've also learned to look at pre-Christian parents in a new light, since so many of my friends have them. I personally have never had to deal with parents not wanting me to do what I felt was God's will, i.e. mission trips, etc. In fact, it was often the other way around. I wouldn't do God's will, and my parents were trying to get me to :-). A few of you reading this probably know what I'm talking about specifically.

I'm so blessed to have had parents like that. That understand my heart for missions. Parents who are helping keep me on track with that. In preparing for that, and in truly seeking to glorify God in all that I do. I value their advice like practically none other. They push me to travel and go on missions trips. Especially ones abroad. Go figure :-). I don't complain though. That's what I like doing, too. I just want to continue in God's will.

Also, I just thought I'd tell the loyal readers of my thoughts that I'm looking forward to this summer. It sounds like things are a-happenin' back at CI. Jay Ho (so fat... sorry inside joke... Jehosaphat. get it? anyway...) ICQed Sam and said he'd be interested in that thing I talked about before.... revitalizing my church. Anyway, Sam also said that there appears to be a little stirring happening on its own, at least in Pastor Al's sermon today. The thing is to see whether it sticks to people or not, and if people do something with what was said in the sermon. If Pastor Al is starting to see things... well, that would be cool. That would mean we have things moving from both top and bottom. We'll have to wait and pray and see. I still want to introduce some new stuff to church... songs, etc. Maybe even some liturgical touches. It seems like our program itself has gotten a little liturgical in itself... maybe some of the formal traditional liturgy won't seem that way because it's new to the congregation.

Anyway, I'm also excited because of the many opportunities I'll be having this summer. Both in the lab I'll probably be working for, and the possibly Crusade summer project, as well as old friends. As for the lab, it's a cool place, carcinogenesis research at UCSF. It's not totally firmed up yet, because I haven't gotten my 2nd letter of recommendation to the doctor yet, but I'm doing that tomorrow. I'm going to get an unofficial transcript to Dr. Caprette, and get him to write that letter. In case you care, I'll be working in Dr. Arbeit's lab (if all goes according to plans).

Y'know what else is cool? Michelle Pardini (and family maybe? actually, I don't know. I never asked her that) will be coming to CA for a little to visit before heading up to WA for her sister's wedding. That'll be neat to get together with her and just catch up. And eat good Chinese food. Both of us are deprived. Too far from the good stuff. Apparently, there isn't any good stuff in Virginia, and well, Houston, well, I haven't been particularly impressed by anything thus yet. Anyway, we were just talking, and she was telling me how all the bridesmaids in her sister's wedding will have cheung sams (those long, form fitting Chinese dresses). I think that's pretty cool. :-) I don't know what I'm actually allowed to disclose, so I won't say anything more. Hopefully, not TOO many people are reading this :-).

Then there's just being home and catching up with Andrew and Lydia... Sam and Greg....... Ben, Avery, speed-sports anyone? How about speed-pool?

I wonder what hours I'll be working. The commute could be a little hairy. oh well. Just thoughts.

March 2, 1999 5:04 pm

I am so thankful that my philosophy and genetics prof gave us extenstions. Thank you God. it eases the pressure a little, gives me an extra day. Speaking of academics, in protein purification lab, it looks like I didn't purify too well. I got protein, and the targe protein, but specific activity dropped like mad. That's bad. And now I have to write about it.

Advisor applications are out now. Sid is Go Daddy-O Week. I like that theme. I'm probably going to apply here. That would a fun theme. :-)

I also went over to Texas Children's Hospital last night for a training thing. It was pretty neato. The training was for His Grace Foundation, a non-profit Christian organization that gets volunteers to work in the Bone Marrow Transplant unit there. We'd be paired up with a kid and his/her family, and just be friends, and be a source of support for them. It's really neat. And it's really close, so I can go and visit relatively often. I don't know how it will work out exactly, but I really want to give this a solid try. I really think this would be a great ministry opportunity for me, to stretch, and be "grace in the moment of need."

When I started this entry, I really did have some good things to write about, but now, I just totally blanked.

Just thoughts...

March 5, 1999 1:10 pm

Wow. What a week it has been. I have one major complaint. I just let my quiet times disappear. I think I had 1 this week. I really have not been too consistent with that. I think I'm like 2 weeks behind in my Bible reading.... argh!!!! I can't believe I let myself slide so much. :-( GRrrrrrr. I sure hope I have time to really give to God over break. Too catch my spiritual breath as it were. To take time to soak in His Word and pray.

There was the Bioc test, and the PHIL paper, which I really am done with now, because I don't know what else to put. 9 pages, Munchy :-) And I got the genetics problem done. I think I may have put down a decent model, too. And Protein lab is done. I just have to write up the report now. Wheeeee! :-) I just have to trust God with all of this...

I have very little to write about today... at least profound stuff. I have to admit that one thing that I'm glad that I have been able to keep up in is the Bible memory verse schedule that I'm on :-) So far, I have Ps 1:6, Romans 1:16, Acts 20:24, and Psalm 9:1-2. This is a pretty neato schedule I have... I memorize one verse a week. I say that verse every day for 7 weeks, then once a week for 7 months, then once a month for 7 years. I add a new verse each week (or so... I've already missed one week). But I like the idea that I say a them every day. To really cement them in my mind. I can remember lots of stuff, so might as well remember the best stuff :-)

I pray that my attitude would be proper going on this trip, as well as for my health. Scotty is sick, and he gets the most sleep out of all of us in this suite. I think I have God to praise for that one. He's keeping me healthy. Also, there's at least one pre-Christian that I know of for sure that is going on the mission trip, so please pray for that too. I don't know what to ask you to pray for except that God's will be done in their life, through the rest of us Christians hopefully. And also for the Christians to have an open heart to what God wants to teach us in this week. I know God wants to teach us something! :-) He always does :-)

I just keep on rambling and rambling, I guess, because it feels good now, just to let out some frustration. This week has easily been one of my hardest weeks. A paper worth 50% of my semester grade. ugh. And a biochemistry test. and a genetics problem. and lab. I haven't been this stressed in I don't know how long. Finals aren't this bad. My professors are crazy. They just sorta threw everything on at once. And I guess part of it is my fault, in not preparing enough, but it's taken me this long just to catch up from being gone in Hong Kong. In fact, I'm still behind in my Poli class. ARGH. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

ok. much better. Just thoughts....

March 11, 1999 2:00 pm

We got back last night aroun 8:30 pm, from Mexico, and let me say it was a great trip. :-) I simply LOVED it.

It was 80+ people, from a myriad of places, like Rice Univeristy, UT-Houston med school, Prairie View A&M Nursing school, Truett Seminary, and others. We went to Acuña, Mexico, a border town across from Del Rio, Texas, and held Medical clinics at local churches and stuff for the residents of the area, as well as setting up Kid's Bible Club type stuff while they were either waiting to be seen or their parents were being seen.

There was also a select group of us who were asked to donate our strength and energy to some manual labor. It's kind of a long story, but what basically happened is that a bunch of us guys, myself included, were told that there was going to be some "construction" to be done. Well, that construction consisted of knocking down several rebar-reinforced concreate walls and removing some very live, moist tree stumps from the side of the dining hall. At first, I was kinda wondering what we were doing it for... The groundskeeper seemed to just watch us work, and didn't seem to help much. The language barrier didn't help much either. The bunch of us (Keith, Jamison, Adam, Ken, Garrett and myself)joked around, and really wondered why we were doing what we were doing. We thought for a little bit that since we had so many people, they just sorta found stuff for us to do. We thought Alberto (the groundskeeper) was sitting back, laughing at us wimpy gringos, who aren't used to doing the work outside in the sun and all. Little did we know.

It ends up that Alberto was actually rather impressed with us. He has really bad arthritis, and was really impressed with how hard we worked, and really thankful for us because he wouldn't have been able to get the work done by himself, and it probably wouldn't have been done at all. I was really struck by how God really uses even what we consider the mundane and tedious to minister and encourage our fellow brothers and sisters.

And then there was the night that Oscar's aunts came to talk to us. Wow. There was some awesome stuff there. God is moving all over the world. The God that I know is the God of the WORLD, and He moves all over the world. I love it! Oscar was one of the med students that came with us. His aunts have an awesome story about how God had led them to build a church for a local village, solely on donations and God's provision through others' generosity.

I guess God also taught me a little about expectations. I've always sorta thought that the types of people to go on mission trips, well.... let's just say I always thought there was a sort of "whittling" process that sorta determined who goes on mission trips. I don't know how to describe it, but I always sorta thought that there was this level of spiritual "desire" and "maturity" that was sort of a baseline for people who go on mission trips, and I was sorta surprised by certain people who ended up going on this trip, in the sense that I was sort of "surprised" at their maturity, or lack thereof. I have to be careful here, because I'm not trying to be judgmental, because I know, at least academically, that there are all sorts of Christians, at all sorts of different maturity levels, and so on, and in a group of 80+, there are going to be some differences in maturity levels, and personalities. Anyway, I'm not trying to be judgmental, although I realize that I may come across this way, I'm sorry if I make anyone mad or upset, but it's just something I learned, and I guess I'm still learning how to deal with the fact that not everyone is motivated by the glory of God like I am. Not in a condescending way, but that's the fact. I don't want to come across the wrong way and sound all arrogant and stuff, but I really just wanted to go, and be available to God, and be used wherever He wanted me. At first, when I signed up, I was hoping to be able to work a little more closely with the medical teams and stuff, and get some experience there, but as I found out what I was doing, I was a little disappointed, but I knew that I wasn't going for myself, necessarily. I was going to learn, and glorify God as best as I could, if only to Alberto or the kids. I just wanted to do my best, to work hard, and glorify God in what I did and said down there.

I also had a great time just meeting new people and getting to know new friends.... Found a couple of fellow HCCers, and got to know some Rice people better. It was neat to go with so many people that I knew too, like Georgeann, Keith, Jamison, Alexa, Erica, Lenny, and the Grysen twins. :-) It was sooooooo much fun to serve with brothers and sisters who really love God. I was simply encouraged just by talking and sharing with them.

Well, that's the quickie synopsis of the time there. I'm sure I left out stuff, and I'll add it as I remember. For now, you can just email me if you have any questions or comments.

Just thoughts....

March 12, 1999 4:24 pm

Another thing. I got this from talking to Clarence, our van driver. He's of the pentecostal persuasion, and so we don't quite see eye to eye on everything, but the passion he has for God is very evident, and to me, that is one thing that I love about the guy. Anyway, we were talking on the way up about various things, and we were talking about the observation that the apparent "gulf" between the two extreme poles of Protestantism seems to be getting a little smaller each and every day, in the sense that certain issues aren't as divisive as they used to. Of course, the biggies remain the constant, like the deity of Christ, substitutionary death, salvation by faith, etc. (the Heaven and Hell issues) and are all good and Biblical. I mean the stuff that isn't as big of a deal. Like tongues, or whatnot. Like raising hands while singing. Or whatever. There seems to be a coming together of God's people that I've never seen before (in all my oh-so-long life of just under 20 years). It's kinda hard to describe, but we both saw it. Christians seemed to realize that there were battles that we didn't have to be fighting with each other so long as the important stuff was the same. Don't take me wrong. I'm a stickler for proper doctrine, but in the important stuff. The Heaven and Hell issues. Other things can be different, because we don't know exactly what God thinks. If we did, that'd be a scary day.

Anyway, it's just neat to think about how Christians are really coming together as the Body of Christ to work together to spread the Gospel, the Gospel of God's grace to the world. Like the mission trip. There were all sorts. Baptists, Presbyterians, Pentecostals, Independents (like me), and others, I'm sure. We were able to agree on the big things, and really show God's love to the people, and share the wonderful power of the Gospel. The saving power of the Gospel, which we don't deserve, and will never deserve.

Reminds me of a song by 4Him. It's called The Basics of Life.

We need to get back to the basics of life A heart that is pure and a love that is blind A faith that is fervently grounded in Christ The hope that endures for all times We need to get back to the basics of life

I mean, that's what it boils down to. There are some basics that I think we all can, should, and must agree to as the Body of Christ. And then there's everything else, which is totally not necessary to fight over to the point of dividing the Body.

Lately, prior to the trip, I'd been feeling pretty bleah about my QTs and stuff. My time with God had been pretty rotten then, and it's slowly improving, but I'm still feeling kinda bleah. I don't know how to describe it exactly.

Just thoughts.

March 14, 1999 4:05 pm

Several things. Today at HCC, Pastor Fred gave a very good sermon on Acts, I think, and what makes for a nice and healthy church. He took Acts 2:42-47, and spelled out a lot of the things that I've been thinking about. He also put up this neat little diagram, that I will attempt to reproduce at some point and put it up here for people to see.

I'll try to describe it in words here first. There are 3 concentric circles. The center circle is simply "Worship." The primary purpose of the Church Universal. In the next circle around that one, there are 3 parts to it. Teaching, Caring and Serving. Then, in the 3rd circle, it's divided up into fourths, and they are Community Service, World Missions, Church Planting, and Evangelism. Community Service touches Teaching and Serving, World Missions touches Serving, Church Planting touches Caring, and Evangelism touches Teaching and Caring.

If you don't get it, that's ok. I'll work on getting that diagram up as a jpeg or something soon. Anyway, I thought it summed up a lot of the "jobs" of the local church really well. Out of Worship stems Teaching, Caring and Serving, and out of those 3 come the outer 4 things.

In a way, I feel as if this sort of ties into the above entry as well, in terms of how this is also the basics of the church boiled down into things that I think every Christian can agree on. Or at least should agree on. How these things are actually implemented would be the areas of freedom, but should not be the areas which cause actual division in the Body.

I just ordered Passion and Purity (finally Greg!) :-), and another copy of Choosing God's Best, since I gave Andrew my other copy. I also just ordered Rich Mullins' Canticle of the Plains. I intend to order Songs and the new Cædmon's Call CD, 40 Acres, as soon as I can (like April 13).

Who Is Jesus? Week is coming up really soon, and I'm a little worried. I know I shouldn't be, but it seems like the energy level is fading some, amongst the leaders. I hope I'm just misperceiving things, or something, but it just feels a little lagging for me, at least. I'm praying that God would reinvigorate us with His energy, for His work. I don't want the week to be our production, but rather an outflowing of God's love for everyone on this campus. I want people to simply realize that there is a love that is beyond all human comprehension, and human explanation. Why would God, almighty God of the universe, want to become an organic bag of mostly water? Because He LOVES us.

One song that I really want to be the song for the week is The Great Awakening by 4Him. It goes something like this.

Here in this moment in time We search for wonders for miracles and signs Something to satisfy the hunger in us all A human rage from deep within the soul Like a machine in pursuit On the horizon like a raging fire we move Driven by questions in an endless search for truth There is a stirring in us, a great awakening begins CHORUS I believe there's a mighty power I believe it's a latter rain I believe there's a move of God Calling us all higher Oh I believe These are the days of the great awakening More than our hearts can contain It is an overflow of God's amazing grace Coming to reconcile a world that's lost its way Oh, all consuming fire come purify us once again There's no containing this great move of restoration It knows no walls, no boundaries or lines Without a doubt I do believe if we'll just get down on our knees The latter rain is gonna fall It's just a matter of time

It really sums up what I want the week to be.

I've been feeling kinda blah in my spiritual life lately. One of those ruts, y'know? The mission trip helped a little, but I didn't quite feel as fed and encouraged as I thought I would. I guess part of it was the lack of true cohesiveness as brothers and sisters on the trip, as some people never stuck around for the praise and sharing times in the evening, and even skipped the last big one on the last night. I guess I just really thought it would have been a little different. But again, there are different types of Christians at all levels of maturity. Part of the blahs probably stem from the fact that I have a lot of reading and stuff still to do. Lots of Poli 338 reading, some Phil reading, as well as the BIOS 311 report. Argh. At least no more lab this semester.

Amy, a friend from high school back in California, was just ICQing me about what I'm doing this summer, and she said something very interesting. I was telling her about the UCSF thing, and the Berkeley Summer Project, and she asked if I was going to just take some days off, and I realized that the Berkeley Summer Project will be like my days off. I'll be doing something I enjoy doing, and serving God is just fun, especially if the team is a good team. I guess that depends a lot on the team, but I really think that I could call those my "days off." She also talked about physically, and I was just thinking about that, and realized that for me, just not doing anything is bad. I'd rather get together with some friends, bust out the gee-tars and pianos/keyboards, and just jam, and sing and play for God. That's FUN! Sleep is not necessary when you're doing that :-).

Just thoughts.

March 15, 1999 7:40 pm

I think I've been thinking too much about theology lately. I mean, it's cool that Logos is doing a set on eschatology, and it's kinda fun and neat to talk about it sometimes, there also comes a point when it's just too much.

I guess for me, I use my knowledge of the Bible to take a look at the principles God has set forth in the Bible, and apply them to real life situations, like the sanctity of life, or the necessity of an absolute truth, or the servant's heart we're supposed to have.

I think that as I get to know more and more theological points of view out there, I get a little dismayed, or scared, or disappointed, and get a little down. I don't know why, because I know some of the stuff isn't Heaven or Hell issues. Actually, a lot of it isn't. I guess part of it is the prospect that I might not be right in my point of view. Another thing is that other Christians may hold on too dogmatically to their POVs, and that's not necessary, and may even lead to issues where unnecessary division is caused. Another thing that may be bugging me is the fact that this hinders a lot of the growth I think we would be able to see if people would just get over it sometimes. Sometimes, theology bugs me just as much as I like studying it. I don't know what I'm saying here exactly, except that I've run into some weird things, theologically, in the last couple of months, that have bugged me. I don't know why. I guess it's because in the past, I've had completely, and totally unwavering faith in the Bible as the Word of God, and I still do now. However, it's when supposedly educated scholars in Greek and Hebrew bust out with stuff and say that it's not saying what I thought it was, because I haven't gone all the way back to the Greek and Hebrew, and it actually means really the opposite of what most people think..... I dunno. I still believe in the Word of God to be perfect and inerrant (or is it infallible? I forget which word goes with what, but the one that means the original manuscripts were perfect and divinely inspired). It just feels like my foundation has been jarred a little.

I realize again, and I recognize the fact that there are Christians of all sorts out there, but at the same time, I feel saddened by the fact that some (and it could very well include myself) are totally wrong in some facets of their theology and not realize it. I guess so long as it's not a Heaven and Hell issue.... well... I don't know. Perhaps I'm just thinking too much.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting to a point where I'm just tired, and need to rest. Like just sit down, and rest. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. Physically, I feel ok, but the other three areas, well, I don't feel so great there. I don't know why. I just feel worn out. Still. I don't think I've recovered from the Hong Kong trip yet.

Just thoughts.

March 20, 1999 3:36 pm

Wow. It's been interesting this week. I realize I haven't made an entry in a week. It's been one interesting week. There have been many interesting things on my mind lately.

Of course, there's schoolwork. There's ALWAYS that. Then there's Who Is Jesus? Week. Then there's something else. Something that I'm not totally sure I feel at liberty sharing about here, although it's nothing bad. It's just something I don't really feel comfortable sharing here. Maybe later.

I'm not sure what I'm wanting to write here. I guess I need to vent some. For the hospitality committee stuff for WIJ week, we were going to vacuum Sid today from 11-2 pm. Well, Pam Yu, one awesome frosh gal who has a servant's heart like you wouldn't imagine, well, she's sorta in charge of things in that area, and organized it. Well, she emailed folks, announced in large group meetings about it, and guess what? She waited alone for and hour for people to show up. I have to admit, I didn't even show up until noon, and then I stayed for an hour before going to Melodious Voices of Praise practice.

Anyway, I guess I'm a little miffed at the lack of interest/devotion/willingness to do this stuff. I mean, this is putting feet on the Gospel. If we can't show God's love tangibly, what in the world are we going to do?? I had sorta hoped that some people would show, and while i was there, we did have about 5-6 people filter through, although it would have been nicer to have a larger turnout. And not of the same people all the time. I don't know what I'm complaining/venting about exactly. Maybe it's just because it seems like interest is waning a little. At least in the part that is pretty important, I think. The personal contacts are what it's about.

On the other hand, I went to FCA this week, and it was great! I finally got to talk to Brick some about stuff, and FCA is full on-board too. It's pretty cool. That part really is exciting, because I was a little worried that they'd be left out of the loop again.

I think I'll go to IV and FCA next week. Depends. We'll see. Just thoughts.

March 21, 1999 3:34 pm

I was reminded by some good friends yesterday to have a little more discretion with what I say. I mean, it's not like I'm a mean-spirited gossiper or anything like that, and it's not like I go out and look for the juicy tidbits. It's more like when I do know something (and it's not gossipy type stuff), but when I do know some relatively non-public information, sometimes I'm not too wise as to how/who I tell that too, and in what situation.

Last night was a good example. I wasn't trying to bad mouth anyone, or anything like that. It was more of a venting thing. It was a significant issue, in terms of in the big scheme of things. I mean, it wasn't a petty relationship sort of thing. It's a big thing. Anyway, I was less than wise in when I decided to start to tell a friend about it, and in a less than wise place (it was pretty much a public place with lots of people within earshot). I guess I was just sorta frustrated because the issue was one where the ramifications could be potentially deadly, and I'm basically at a loss to do anything about it. It's hard to explain, and I'm sorry if I confuse you with this entry.

Next year, it looks like I'll probably be rooming with Keith (his old, not-updated-in-ages webpage), a really good friend of mine. He's a junior comp major from Virginia, and leads a Community Group in BSM. He's a really neat guy, and a solid Christian, too. He and I are taking a wonderful pair of gals, twin sisters, to Rondelet :-) He's taking Katie, and I have the honor of taking Lisa.

Lisa is one awesome gal. :-) And I mean it. I am very impressed and wowed by her spiritual and physical beauty :-)

Not just thoughts. :-)

March 22, 1999 5:52 pm

Wow. I actually started studying for my genetics test yesterday! That has to be the earliest I've started studying for a test here at Rice. It's not until Thursday morning.

I did something pretty dumb last night. Keith and I had sorta kept the name of the restaurant where we were going to eat on Saturday a secret from Katie and Lisa. We even told them we were going to keep it a secret. Then, smart me, I get back to my room, see an email from Phil E., the other guy in our group, about how his friend isn't coming down, so we didn't have to make reservations for 8, blah blah blah. Well, the gist of it is, in that email, he had quoted me telling about our dinner plans, including the name of the restaurant. So I, the brilliant one, forwarded that email to Katie, Keith and Lisa. So now they know where we're going. :-) Oh well.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend. Beer-Bike and everything! Woohoo!! And Rondelet, of course :-) I'm very much looking forward to that. Get ready for pictures. I have to develop my Mexico pictures too.

I'm getting excited about Who Is Jesus? Week again now. We just had our first Prayer and Fasting meeting at the Sallyport today. Basically, people sign up to fast for at least the lunch hour, and meet with other brothers and sisters to pray for the campus that day, and for the week. It was great to see people there. Some FCAers, some Crusaders, and BSMer..... and 5 freshmen! Praise God for giving the young'uns a desire to serve and heart that seeks Him! I was so encouraged by our prayer time today. It was really great time of praying and encouragement for me personally. Thank you, Christine, Kristin, Beth, Suzanne, and Wally. It was really encouraging to see you guys out there. Thanks.

Just thoughts.

March 23, 1999 7:40 pm

I had a great talk with Lisa last night. I am so glad that I did that. I have had the most awesome sense of peace about that conversation. Thank you God! Lisa, I hope you have that same sense of peace, because I know we're doing the right thing :-).

We had a really good Who Is Jesus? Week meeting tonight in Hanszen. And God is just working so awesomely. I can't wait for things to get going. I'm scared too, but I'm really looking forward to things.

In My Utmost for His Highest today, there's some interesting stuff.

If the Spirit of God detects anything in you that is wrong, He does not ask you to put it right; He asks you to accept the light, and He will put it right.

I thought that was rather profound. How many times do we sit there, and say, "Oh boy. There's that sin again. I gotta take care of that"? I mean, granted, Oswald Chambers' commentary isn't the Gospel, but I think he has a good point here. There is something that we just don't like about letting go of our problems. We want to say that we are capable enough to solve our problems on our own. How pretentious is that? Especially when we know we can't! The ultimate in arrogance.

As cool as this journal is, I think I need to go back to writing in my journal, like physically using pen on paper. There are things that I can say there that I can't say here. It takes a little longer to handwrite stuff, but I think it's better if I kept up both.

Just thoughts...

March 25, 1999 2:00 pm

I had the unique opportunity to sing for the Rice University Board of Governors at Dr. Gillis' House last night, with Melodious Voices of Praise. Wow. That's the only word to really describe it.

It was a unique experience for sure. First of all, that was the first time I had ever been inside of Gillis' house. And it was nice enough. Then everyone showed up. And I think the dinner was catered. It was nice. There were people there serving drinks, hor d'oeuvres, and the whole nine yards. It was also weird, because I was rubbing elbows with the people who decide whether or not to increase my tuition. It was also kinda fun, too, though. I don't claim to have a lot of experience doing this sort of "entertaining" and stuff, but it was neat to just meet these people, and talk to them. I actually found out there were a bunch of people on the Board that are from California. That was interesting :-). I didn't get to talk to James Baker though. :-( Oh well.

I did remember that it was outside in for the order of silverware to use :-) And the food. Oh my goodness. The food was nothing short of spectacular. Lobster tail and steak. WINNER!! I won't even begin to guess how much it cost. All I know is that I will not eat that good again for a long time!

What was cool was also that they really responded quite nicely to the songs we sang. I mean they complimented us on it of course, but there were also some people that really seemed to click with the music. We sang some overtly Christian stuff, of course. That's the coolest part. I really think this is a unique ministry. Probably one of the most diverse groups on campus, too. It's just NEATO to be able to represent the Kingdom of God like that.

As it really is. It's a group of people, glorifying God, regardless of skin color, and in front of pre-Christians. That's what it is.

Just thoughts.

March 25, 1999 5:30 pm

In Utmost today, there was a phrase that caught my eye. It's been mentioned several times before in Utmost, but today, it got me. Amateur providences.

How often do we try to be that? I know I do, all too often. I think I have to be something, or do something, so that God can use me to do His work. How convoluted is that? He doesn't need me. That ties right in to the rest of the day's thought. How often are we living a "pure and holy" life so that people will say, "My, what a man of character"? I know my motivations are less than right sometimes. I try to remember, with each e-mail I write, that all I am is for His glory. I try to remind myself that if I attract attention to myself, instead focusing everything back onto God, I'm defeating myself, and what I claim to be doing.

It's like the Cædmon's Call song, "Thankful." (a.k.a. the garbage can song)

So I am thankful that I'm incapable of doing any good on my own yeah
Said I'm so thankful that I'm incapable of doing any good on my own yeah

I think it says it all. Nothing good in us is of us. The only good we do is the Spirit in us, acting through us. All for His glory. Nothing for myself. Complete and total, and complete surrender of what little that I am for everything that He is.

Just thoughts.

March 26, 1999 5:38 pm

I went to pray with some people again at the Sallyport. Again, I am so encouraged by the freshmen! There were 4 freshmen there today. It was really pretty neato. Wow. I am just in awe of God. He is so cool, so powerful, so loving, and He's moving. He's moving on this campus. Wow. Wild.

I also went and made Rice Crispy treats over at Hanszen for the grad house and the Sheperd School people... I guess lots of people have all sorts of random recitals tomorrow. Too bad. Beer-Bike is also tomorrow, and it should be a good time in the sun, cheering for the teams. I'm not half as excited as I was last year for beer-bike. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's just because I've got other things on my mind.

Just thoughts.

March 28, 1999 3:42 pm

Wow. Yesterday was a LONG day. A GREAT day, but long. It was a great day, especially the "parade." It's always the best part of Beer-Bike. Who needs the Beer-Bike part when there's the parade? :-) I'm sure you can figure out what part I liked the best. Sid had approximately 8,000 water balloons, or so I heard. That isn't all that much, considering other colleges had upwards of 14,000 from what I heard. But they wasted many of their early. We still had a few left over once we got to the bike track, I think.

And then there was Rondelet. Ahhhhhhhhh. I really enjoy formals. Especially when I have an absolutely radiant date, like Lisa :-) She was definitely the better-looking of the two of us. By far. Simply gorgeous. She got all the compliments. Not me :-)

Unfortunately, neither of us could salsa very well, but we tried. :-) We worked in some swing, which we did know. :-) And then we country waltzed a little back at her apartment. One of these days, we're going to have to go swing dancing, or country dancing, or something. Something where we know what we're doing. :-)

Time to get to work.

Just thoughts.

March 29, 1999 7:44 pm

Well, I need to get started on studying bioc in a second, but I wanted to make an entry about my meeting today that I had with Darin and Justin. They're both Crusade staff people here, and we met to talk about next year, and what I may or may not be doing.

Before I go into the Crusade ideas, I've had some of my own, which some of my loyal readers may or may not know about. First, there's the idea of the non-affiliated freshemen Bible study. It'd be a different sort of Bible study though. Not as hard core Bible study as some would think of, and it would have the added social aspect, since its goal would be more of a connection point for freshmen to explore, and to look at the different groups on campus without any pressure to join any of them. Ideally, it would also be a point on campus for them to get to know other Christians, and it would definitely NOT be a substitute for either church or one of the campus groups. Rather, it's a sort of intermediate place for them if they're not sure where they want to go/where God wants them to be. Ideally, there would also be leaders from each of the big 4 (FCA, IV, BSM and CCC). One of each, at least. And a good mix of colleges represented, too. That's ideally. That way, Christian connections can be made across fellowship lines (no matter where individuals end up, they'll know fellow brothers and sisters in many different organizations), as well as connections with older folks (like the leaders). Hopefully, the group would also expose them to all the different groups. Maybe the Bible study would even visit each of the meetings. Meet staff from all the groups. Who knows?

The MAIN thing would be for them to find their place in a campus ministry and in a church here at Rice, that God wants them to be. It would not be an affiliated Bible study, so there shouldn't be any feelings of being grabbed at, or pushed into one group or another. It should also (hopefully) feel very comfortable, open, and just a place to be if they're not sure where they want to be permanently. I mean, it shouldn't be a place where they settle in and don't move. But if they don't know quite where they want to be yet, I want it to be a place where they're still getting a little spiritual feeding, and still being pushed to get themselves plugged in the place where God wants them.

The other option that just occurred to me last night as I was talking to 'burban and Gene is maybe committing myself full-time for the year in preparation for Rez Week next year. One of them had commented how on other campuses, they have people dedicated to putting that stuff on. Granted, we sort of have less manpower here (a lot less) than, say, oh, UT, I'm considering it. Not that heavily, but it's a thought.

Back to the Crusade thing. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to divulge this info, but they asked me to take a leadership role next year. I won't go into details about what type, but it could involve a significant amount of time and energy, enough where it's probably not going to be possible to do anymore than one of the three options that I've spelled out here.

I really like my non-affiliated Bible study, for many reasons, most of which I don't feel too comfortable spelling out here. If you want to know, email me and ask. I'll be more than happy to tell you. Or, just find me and ask me. It has a lot to do with the buzzword "unity." But not as different groups on campus. But as brothers and sisters, and fellow heirs to the Kingdom. I mean, it's really sad when people have no idea who the other leaders of the other campus groups are. "I don't know Georgeann. Who's that?" or "I don't know Dawn Bennett" and so on. It's not just that, but I know people who don't know any Christians outside of their own fellowship meetings. I'm not trying to knock anyone or any group in particular, but I'm just stating an observation. I mean, that's just sad. We're a small enough school, I think, where the Christians should be able to say, "Yeah, I know Bob in IV, and Beth in Crusade, and Sarah in FCA." And be able to say hi to them as they walk by on campus. To be able to sit down with them at Sammy's just to say hi. Anyone else know what I'm saying? I'm not saying everyone should know everyone else, because that's just not practical.

I AM saying that there should be something different from what is presently happening now. I mean, just working on Who is Jesus? Week has shown me that we, as a Body of Christ at Rice, are very fragmented. Much more than we should be for the people we have here. And it's not that the groups need to get together and do stuff, but it's individuals need to be willing to see the other person as a fellow child of God. As another sinner who was redeemed by the blood of the same Lamb. And then love them just because of that. That's all. I think I did it, to a degree. I'm still working on it, but I'm not sure how I did it. I guess I forced myself to, because I knew there were some neat Christians out there. And I wanted to know them. And encourage them and be encouraged by them; to challenge them and be challenged by them; to serve alongside them.

So I gues what this all basically means is that I have a lot to pray about. LOTS.

Just thoughts.

March 30, 1999 1:07 am

Man. I feel stupid. I knew that this was going to happen if I wasn't careful. I lost it. People didn't show up to help distribute brownies at Sid, and I lost it. I mean, it's not that big of a deal (no one showing up, I mean), and I guess it's the type A personality in me, that self-righteous/judgmental attitude that bites me in the behind every once in while.

sigh

I mean, fine, no one shows up, no big deal. At least it shouldn't be. I got kinda upset, I guess because I knew not everyone had something to do. And it wasn't that big of a time committemnt. A half hour tops, if 3-4 people showed up to help. Everything was already made. All people had to do was show up and help give them away with a smile, as a representative of the Lamb of God. I know it's not too much to ask. And I know I can't make people get involved. And I guess part of me is mad at myself for not getting out and talking to people more to ask them to help.

And it's not the first time that hospitality type stuff has been left in the cold alone. I think I wrote a little about at least one other time above, in an old entry, from March 20. I mean, fine, if you don't want to, just say you don't want to help. That's ok. I can deal with that. I guess it's when people say they'll try, or whatever, and don't, or whatever. I don't know. Apathy makes me mad. Especially since I'm really tired now. Just physically tired. I'm just worn out.

I think it's time for me to take a breather this week. I think I may be getting a little burnt out, and as I was telling Georgeann tonight, self-implosion would be really bad. I really want to clean out the temple, but that's not my job. As relatively righteous as I may think my anger is, it's not my job. The Lord has told me to serve, and that's what I want to do. I want the other Christians not to serve because they feel obligated to me or the Who is Jesus? Week "cause," but because they want to serve God, to glorify Him by showing His love in a real way to others, who may not see God's love in action.

sigh

I think I'll just not worry about doing, and do some serious recuperating. Spiritual recuperation and rest. Maybe I'll go off and hide with a Steven Curtis Chapman CD and my Bible. And just pray.

Just thoughts.

March 31, 1999 4:25 pm

Ouch. That bioc test today really scared me. Maybe I did better than I thought, but right now, I'm thinking it's not too good. Oh well. At least I got some sleep last night. :-)

I need to get my film developed. I was over there, Lisa, at 4 pm, but where were you??? I guess we must have JUST missed each other, like by a couple minutes at the very most. Oh well.

This break should be nice. We're going rafting tomorrow in New Braunfels. If I can get my film in tonight, my pictures should be ready by Friday sometime, and so I'll have new pictures, from the Mexico trip and Rondelet up by the time the weekend is over. That will be nice :-).

Wow. Just a couple more days, and then it's it. The week will be upon us. Wow.

I think I'm also going to help out later this weekend with the showing of the Jesus Film over at the Grad House for the Chinese grad students. That should be a lot of fun. Great weekend to do it on, too.

I was just thinking about Easter and things like that. This is easily the single-most important holiday of the year. Bigger than Christmas, I think, because Christmas has now been overrun by commercialism. Roadkill on the freeway of capitalism. Anyway, Easter is the one holiday that Christians kinda gloss over, because the world doesn't live it up like it does during Christmas.

It's the pivotal moment in history when man could finally come directly to God, through Jesus Christ. It's why Good Friday can be called Good. The God of the universe died for me. And you. Just so that we could say, "I can know God now." Knowing God. Ponder for a moment.

...

In the Temple in Jerusalem, there was a curtain that stood between the Most Holy of Holies, and the Holy of Holies. These were two different rooms. The Most Holy of Holies, only the high priest could go into once a year, if I remember right, because God was there, and it's kinda rough for man to see God face to face. Anyway, that curtain was torn in half, showing all of humanity, and especially the Jews, that God could be approached face to face now, through Jesus Christ. Man and God, face to face again, even though we are so completely and utterly unworthy. Wow.

Just thoughts.