March 9, 2001 2:02 am

What a difference a month makes. At the beginning of last month, I was feeling kinda blah. As this month starts, I'm feeling pretty energized and excited. I just got back from Monterrey, Mexico, today from the spring break mission trip, and let me just say that it was a great time of meeting God, and people, both on the team and in Monterrey.

It's late now, since I've been talking to my parents and catching up with friends, so I'll write more tomorrow, I promise.

Just thoughts.

March 9, 2001 9:35 pm

I think one thing that I really have been learning the past year or so is how to listen. Before, I would have my point of view all figured out, and would be waiting to pounce on someone to explain to them how my POV was logical, reasonable, and the one that they should adopt.

Now, I think I'm becoming a better listener, slowly but surely. I guess it's the whole "People have to know you care before they care about what you know" thing, and it's finally being integrated into my life as a part of how I live. I think I was able to do that to a large degree on the mission trip, both with Christians and non-Christians of differing levels, backgrounds, and ideas. The fact that I noticed that I did it seems to show me that I'm being aware of doing that, and being an intentional active listener. Wow. God answers prayers.

I also had lunch with Brett today, and it was fun to hear some of his thoughts regarding the trip, especially as a newer Christian, for whom the concept and experience of a mission trip is new and different from what he's experienced before. He was talking a bit about some of the stuff he learned when he was feeling kinda icky that one day, and it was just cool to hear his perspective on things. God is a pretty amazing God, and engineers circumstances so that they're just right for the person.

We stayed at a spectacular retreat center, up in the mountains. It was amazing. It made me miss the hill running that I used to do in high school. It's so much more interesting and enjoyable to run out there than it is around here, in flat Houston. If it's going to be flat, it should at least be interesting, like out in some open fields, or something like that. But flat city running? Yuck.

We got up and ran on Monday and Tuesday morning, and it was amazing. I can't tell you how nice it was to wake up to the birds chirping, and the soft glow of the sun rising over the mountains. Wow.

The extended quiet times were also a definite blessing. We would be up for dinner at 9, but then we'd have nothing until 11 am. I really enjoyed those times. Thank you God for providing those times. The time was definitely good for meditiating on the daily Bible readings, as well as just good old prayer time.

On a totally different note, here's an interesting article on U2 (more specifically Bono) and their beliefs.

Just thoughts.

March 10, 2001 1:53 pm

One of the major themes that sorta popped up during the mission trip, at least for me, was the idea of "extending grace." If God has extended so much grace to us, given us so much that we don't deserve, we should also extend that to others. To me, that includes the forgiving others part of things, but also seems to include more, in terms of just giving of yourself to others, giving what they don't deserve, because we've been given so much that we don't deserve. As Acts 1:8 talks about the Holy Spirit being given to us, which we definitely did not deserve, we can extend grace to those around us, because of the Holy Spirit in us.

This past week, I was also doing some good reading in Changing the Mind of Missions. It's a really good book. I recommend it for anyone who is interested in missions at all. It makes some very good points about the atittudes and structures of missions in the American church today, and how we have not done the the Great Commission justice. Missions became very numbers focused, and "How many made a decision/prayed the prayer"-oriented. The "making disciples" part was then lost. The focus went to converts, instead of disciples. I'm not done with the book yet, but I think it's very interesting.

Sam's musing #134 is also a thinker. It's something that sorta ties in with the book above, as well as just being a relevant question as to how we live our lives as Christians. I think that Sam hit it pretty much on the head. I think the next step that he doesn't explicitly state, but really makes a pretty strong point for is the fact that it really boils down to being relational, and pouring oneself out into another, investing in the life of another, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes that means listening, sometimes that means telling them the Gospel, sometimes some combination of the two. That's why I really don't see much use for cold turkey door-to-door evangelism much in America nowadays. Maybe in a different culture, but in America, it has got to be predominantly relational. Real Christians living out real lives, real love, sacrificially for others. Even though we only had a couple of days, I think we did that fairly well this week. Not perfectly, but I think we were able to do it to a large degree. I know I have 2 new friends that I'll probably have for life.

Another tangent - who's the person using a Mac from UCLA using dial-up to visit? I can't think of who would be doing that.

Just thoughts.

March 14, 2001 11:00 am

I just ordered a couple things in the last two days. First of all, I ordered Tommy Nelson's Song of Solomon tape series. I've been meaning to do that for a while (like all during college), and I've finally done it. Grant, a doctor I met at Dallas Winter Conference reminded me of how much I needed/wanted them, and so I've got'em. They shipped really quickly, too. I ordered it on Sunday, I think, and received it yesterday. I've already listened to the first tape, and it's really good. It's not just some guy spewing about relationships, dating, and all that, but it's exegesis. It's going to the Bible and seeing what it has to say about things. I really appreciate that. It's grounded thinking.

The other thing that I just ordered is a Handspring Visor Deluxe. Actually, it's going to be my birthday present from my parents. I figure it's time to clean up all those slips of paper in my wallet, lying around on my desk, stuck to the wall, and in my drawers. Also, Handspring Visors have this expandable slot that's kinda cool, where I can plug in a modem, more memory, or even a 64 MB MP3 player! :) Plus, it's supposed to be pretty handy for med school. At least that's what I was thinking when I bought it.

Then, I found out yesterday, that I was accepted for the year-long deal with Campus Crusade for Christ! :) So I'm most likely probably going to defer now, and so I'll probably have additional uses for it now :) I'm still waiting to hear back from InterServe though.

Vison-casting. What does it mean to be a vision-caster? We talked a little about different roles in leadership during the Mexico trip, and I really liked what Mario had to say about some of this stuff. The 4 roles were Vision-caster, Change Agent, Coach, and Spokesperson. If anything, I think I've turned into something of a Vision-caster/Change Agent. Definitely not a Coach. I'm not sure if I was naturally a leader, or if I just sorta trained myself to be one.

My friend, Matt, on the baseball team, got himself a little banged up the other day at practice. Like as in pretty serious, had to go to the dentist right away because of teeth issues, and may have more in the future.

More to come later.

Just thoughts.

March 21, 2001 11:50 pm

Again, as usual, there are more things to talk about than I feel like I have the words to say it with, but here we go :)

I guess I could just start with this past weekend. Back in January, at Dallas Winter Conference, I had signed a little sheet that said I was sorta interested in helping out with Campus Crusade's high school ministry, Student Venture. I kinda forgot about that until I got an email just before break about helping out with this retreat they were planning. And so I did. However, I didn't really decide to do that until, oh, about 5 days before the retreat :)

So I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, but I figure it'll be a nice trip to Galveston, hang out with some kids, maybe have a little impact in their life, somehow, who knows how, only God knows how.... and that's exactly what I was thinking as I was going into this. I had no clue what to expect, since I haven't really done much with high schoolers since I've been in college.

So I head down there with Ben and Ed, two sorta random recruits as well. I get down there, and the guy in charge told me that he talked to Darin, and set me up with these three freshmen guys that he thought I'd be a good match with. Note: Whenever ANYONE says they called up your Bible study leader/discipler to find out who you'd be a good match with, be wary. :)

So anyway, I get these three freshmen who just recently became Christians, and are very interested in growing, but are also sorta, um, interesting. These guys are really cool, and I loved hanging out with them, but they were also the three stooges reincarnated. When they were together, it was just synergistic energy going on. They were a lot of fun, but they also were also pretty mean to each other, for being such good friends. They would always be ragging on each other, calling each other names, picking on each other for little stupid things. I forgot what it was like to be a freshman in high school, so I wasn't quite ready to exactly deal with them.

It was in this context that I feel that I realized one of the most wonderful things of my college career.

And because I was on the phone with my dad just now, this will have to wait to later. Sorry, faithful readers. I promise to continue later. I need to get to bed.

Just thoughts.

March 22, 2001 10:50 am

And so I'm back. And this is what I've had the joy and pleasure of realizing in the last few weeks as God has worked in my life throughout my college career. If you knew me when I was younger, and even during my freshman year here at Rice, you'd know that I'm now a very different person than I used to be. Not that I've totally left behind those weaknesses, and beat them, but more like I've found that God has molded me, and is working in me, in a way that I know it's not me. If it were me, I would have lit into them the first night, when they tried to mess with me, and set an alarm clock for 5:30 am, trying to trick me into getting up at 3:45 am. :) Yeah, they tried that, but I didn't fall for it. :)

I used to be a much more rude, self-righteous, proud, impatient, judgmental little punk. I thought I had it figured out. I thought I had the arguments down, that no atheist/non-Christian, or liberal Christian could have anything on me, that I could sit them down, and prove them wrong left and right. I was even less of a listener than I am now :) And I definitely did not understand the concept of grace, nor what it meant to extend that to others. I guess at the root of it, I didn't really think I was "that bad," especially compared to the utter depravity of the San Francisco bay area. Side note: Man, you want to see a messed up area of the country, spend some time living out there. I really didn't understand the extent of my own depravity, my own sinfulness.

In the last two weeks, with the mission trip and this retreat with the high schoolers, I've been amazed at how patient I've been, and how, of all things, I'm the one telling people about extending grace, and trying to explain how important that is in our relationships, in restoring relationships through forgiveness, or just not counting a person's past against them, and to give people, especially our brothers and sisters, the benefit of the doubt. The amazing thing is that all of this, I know it's not be doing it, because I know myself too well. It's something that I've been praying for God to do in my life for years, and it's happening. It's such a blessing, an honor, to have God make me aware of the work He's doing in my life, the intimate involvement, the tweaking, nudging, power of the Holy Spirit.

I had dinner with Todd, the IV staff person, after Ecclesia on Sunday, and we just talked for several hours, and it was great, just because we were able to talk, share, and connect about what it feels like to see God working, and just to know that he is working in such amazing ways in our lives. It's one thing to see the change in another, but it's that much more amazing to see the change in yourself, because you know yourself that much better (or at least we like to think we do).

How did this come about? I'm not sure, except that I am sure that God engineers circumstances. I know a lot has to do with the Christian "exposure" I got coming to college, with the heavy emphasis on Reformed theology from many sides. My weaknesses, my inability to do anything, and my sin, just became very obvious to me through many things, like my grades, my relationships, and so on. It just became clear that I couldn't do anything on my own, even though I thought I could. I thought I could handle the schoolwork, a girlfriend, could convince any non-Christian that they were stupid for not believing in at least A God, and the God of the Bible at that. My trip to east asia following my freshman year was also a pivotal moment in my life. It's hard to explain it, except that God broke me on that trip, and I realized my prayer from my freshman year - that God would do whatever it took to make me the man that He wanted me to be. And He's been doing it, and I know that he'll continue to do so, for the rest of my life, shaping me, molding me, and helping me see Him for who He is, and helping me to respond as I should. The best part about this, is that I know I'll make a complete fool of myself, as I've continued to do the last couple years, and that He's still waiting, seeking me out. It's also strange how as I mess up, I appreciate the sweetness of God's presence that much more... As Andrew Peterson puts it in Shiloh, "The farther I have wandered off the fonder I have grown."

The funniest part about all of this, at least to me, is how strange I've come to realize God is. The irony of it all. I was re-reading some old posts from the SFC BBS about how God has never asked us, as Christians to demand our own rights, but that we're supposed to fight for the rights of others. There's also the whole bit about being humble, and seeking the welfare of others first. And then there's the way God shows His strength in our weakness, something that I've become pretty familiar with lately. God really doesn't work the way people expect Him to. I mean, he already set it up way back when, choosing this carpenter's son to be the Savior of the world. The stories we have of Jesus are of him hanging out with blind people, lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors, fishermen (and Galilean fisherman at that!). God continues to surprise me, although I'm not quite sure why - He sorta set it all up for us already, and I guess I'm just too dense to see it most of the time. :) There's that irony again - too blind to see it, but then God opens my eyes.

Just thoughts.

March 27, 2001 12:12 pm

Ok. So out of my last 30 hits to this page, 19 have been from a dialup.bol.ucla.edu. Who's stalking me?! What do you want?! I get so many from there, it's unreal. Is it some bot or something? Whoever you are, can you please tell me who you are? And why you check the deep-end so obssessively? Not that I'm complaining, but I like to know who my faithful readers are :)

Rondelet was this weekend, and it was a blast :) Yippeee! I have to say that for my last Rice formal, I was a little sad, but I had a great time, and I'm pretty sure my date did as well. It was definitely a night that I won't forget soon. It was rather interesting. I'll talk about it more. Right now, I gotta get back to work. I just wanted to post about that phantom UCLA reader.

Just thoughts.