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February 3, 2001 1:43 am
Hmmmmmm. I've still got'em. This random case of the blahs, I mean. Scott thinks it's because I'm constantly sleeping/sleeping so much. I dunno. It's been nice to get this much sleep, that's for sure.
In today's (rather yesterday's) reading in the one year Bible, I was reading about the Israelites after they'd been freed from Egypt, and Pharoah's army was just crushed. They were moving along in the desert, and they would complain about just about EVERYTHING.
In a sense, I feel sorta like the Hebrews, although without the grumbling. I do sorta feel like I'm in a sort of desert, where the sun is hot, and the sand is hot, and the air is dry.
sigh.
Just thoughts.
February 7, 2001 12:47 am
The blahs are gone. They've been replaced by a sore knee that makes strange popping noises and makes it hard for me to walk down stairs :) I went running on Monday morning, and made it about 2 miles around the outer loop before I had to stop because my chest hurt so much. It's not good to go running during morning rush hour traffic. Yuck. Being out of shape sure didn't help either. My chest hurt much more than my legs did.
I was doing some thinking and random things like that, and I think that part of the blahs were also due to some issues I'm still dealing with, in terms of future issues. I've got one acceptance to a medical school, for which I'm very grateful, but I've also got other questions and unknowns. I just sent out my two applications for mission trips next year, and so I'll be hearing back from them about those soon. It's just a lot of different changes in my life the last 2 months or so. Not exactly highs and lows, although there were some of those (Urbana, DWC, etc.). Part of it is adjusting to being single again. Part of it is just adjusting to a sort of waiting mode, where I'm sort of in a holding pattern, waiting to move onto my next stage in life.
Also, if you have any ideas for potential post-graduation fun-type plans, let me know. I'm sorta entertaining some random ideas of road-tripping around the US, visiting lots of cool places, like Yellowstone and what-not. Another idea is to find one of those cheap flights to Europe, and backpack all over Europe. But right now, I have no idea, so ideas are totally welcome. I kinda want to travel, but it can't just be to urban places. I have to have some nature (a lot of it, preferably). I like being in the midst of God's natural creation.
I've also made a resolution to attend as many home games for Rice baseball as possible. They're off to a great start, sweeping the Houston Astros College Classic this past weekend at Enron Field, beating UT, Baylor and Texas Tech. They beat Sam Houston State tonight (although that's not much to talk about). They play #1 Georgia Tech and #4 Nebraska this weekend. Those will be good games. I even stocked up today. Olen was gracious enough to give me a ride to Randall's this afternoon, after hanging out in the morning, and I picked up 2 pounds of sunflower seeds and two bags of roasted peanuts. I'm set, for at least the weekend. :)
Speaking of sunflower seeds, don't you just love them? I do. I love shelling them in my mouth, and spitting the husks out. I also just chew them up and eat them whole sometimes. It depends. I also have very puckered lips right now because of all the seeds I ate during the game.
I'm really enjoying my time with some of my non-Christian friends lately, especially Sid people and my ESL class. For some reason, I feel like I'm actually connecting with people lately. And for me, that's a major step, as it would just take forever for that to happen in the past. May God be glorified in those relationships. May He use me to pour out His love to others.
Who is sid-2080.sid.rice.edu?
Just thoughts.
February 9, 2001 1:27 am
I continue to be challenged and stretched by my Medical Ethics & American Values class at UTSPH. Today, we talked about institutional policies regarding end-of-life care and advance directives. Wow. Let's just say that it's really crazy. The ethical issue is crazy enough, but then when you're trying to come up with institutional policies, interpret them, and then implement them, it gets about a hundred times harder. Different doctors and administrators can still interpret some things differently, causing different implementation. Doctors and administrators are both still scared to death of litigation, so the policies are written less for patient care, and more to cover the behinds of those involved in providing care. [sigh]
How frustrating must that be?
Large institutions like the Texas Medical Center and its hospitals can't even figure things out, often even with the aid of an institutional ethics committee, and so nothing really gets accomplished.
I got corraled into helping lead worship for FCA tonight. :) It wasn't really a bad thing, but it was something I didn't really expect. It just sorta happened last night after meeting and talking with some folks about Rez Week this year, and then talking to a friend of mine, who introduced me to this freshman. The next thing I know, I'm helping him lead worship. And I think I'm going to be doing it for the rest of the year :) Not that I'm complaining or anything. I'm really looking forward to actually using my new, yet still pitiful, guitar skills. We'll see how it goes.
Jeremiah, though, man, he's such an encouragement to me. Just in the time I've spent with him the last 2 days, he's really encouraged me. He has a honest, deep-rooted desire to serve and glorify God. He's really serious about taking God to the lost, too. He even told me lots about his wanting to be a youth minister one day, and going to Dallas Theological Seminary, and all sorts of stuff. He's just really a solid guy, with a solid foundation, I think. I totally see him as having a lot of potential for being a future Christian leader on this campus, as well as being a great friend to everyone, Christian and non-Christian. His personality is such that people can't help but appreciate his sincerity and friendliness. God is really doing some cool stuff.
Just thoughts.
February 10, 2001 12:55 am
Woohoo! We beat Nebraska tonight! Rice baseball owned them. It was 16-2, and the two runs were unearned. :) If we play tomorrow like we did tonight, we'll give Georgia Tech a good game, if not beat them. One bag of sunflower seeds almost all gone.
Tomorrow (or rather, later today), we're tailgating before the Ga Tech game. That should be pretty sweet. Scotty, Marc, and a couple other Sid guys. Yum. Steaks.
Many things have been swimming around in the pond that is my mind, and some things have been really stirring up the waters. Like turbid. All those bubbles also then get in the way of my vision. The water is far from clear, and the thoughts just seem to get more complicated. It's times like this that I realize how much I have to cling to the God of creation, the God who has promised me that He will never leave me. Love God dearly, seek to know Him more and more. Cling. Hold on tightly.
Just thoughts.
February 10, 2001 6:17 pm
Baseball:
Rice (#7) 5, Georgia Tech (#1) 4.
Just thoughts.
February 14, 2001 7:32 pm
Happy Valentine's Day (From the Catholic Encyclopedia - not that I totally endorse it, but I wanted a semi-authoritative and reliable source).
Well, according to Collegiate Baseball Newspaper's poll, Rice is the #1 baseball team in the nation. Yes, it's early, but it's still nice to see. I sure hope they guys don't get caught up in the hype, and just concentrate on playing good ball. Like bunting to advance the runner. :) We can't bunt for our life!
I saw Traffic the other night. It's a long movie. It's a good one. However, I was not as enthused when I went to see it at 10:30 on Saturday night. That was nuts! It's nearly 3 hours long, so I didn't get back to my room until LATE. Anyway, without spoiling the plot, I'll just say it's about the drug war, and lots of different facets of the "war." It's definitely a keeper. Worth going to see, but beware. It's long, it's intense, and man, it makes you think. At least it made me think. I'm still thinking about the issues the movie brought up.
There have been some interesting conversatons on various bulletin boards I frequent. On the SFC BBS, in the Christian Discussion Stuff section, there are several interesting topics, which I welcome your comments on.
In the Back 40 (see left bottom), we're also talking about what having a family means, motivations for having a kid once you're married, the use of contraceptives, and the like. We're discussing it in the context of a Christian marriage, in case you're wondering. It's interesting because the owner of the board just found out he's going to be a daddy later this year. Kinda wild, eh? The discussion sorta sprang from that, because he hasn't been married all that long.
Just thoughts.
February 16, 2001 12:53 am
Ethics class always makes me tired. It's such an amazing intense class. It's the clinical side of the class that I took last semester, and it just scares me sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what I would do if I began to practice medicine in the United States. It seems like all anyone cares about is covering their butts and not being sued. Patient care doesn't really matter. Just don't get sued. Did you know that's what "informed consent" forms are for? To protect the institution from being sued. The purpose isn't actually to inform people about what they're going to have done to them or get pumped into them. Doctors are too scared to take a stand and say that something is medically futile, and prevent a family from dragging out the dying process for their loved one, because they're scared of being sued, even if the law allows them to use their medical judgment in that manner. Don't get me wrong, here, I know that it's much more complicated than that, but what bothers me is the motivation to cover one's butt. It's so selfish.
We read some very good articles last semester about the Hippocratic Oath, and what it means/meant. One of the major things that came through to me was that the Oath is a covenant that was taken PRIOR to any sort of education. What that means is that the person is changed by the Oath, by the taking of the covenant, prior to ever even learning about the art and science of medicine. It seems that so many people go into medicine nowadays having never even considered some of these super-heavy issues. Because of this, they go into medical school ready to be conditioned/educated into the existing paradigms, which may or may not be the best way to keep the patient's best interests at heart (by best interests, I'm including emotional and psychological health, which can be heavily impacted by physical health and the treatment/maintenance thereof).
Some food for thought. What is it that changes in a person so that they're able to convince themselves that poking a big needle into a one-year-old's back to draw spinal fluid is in the child's best interest? Or cracking open a skull? Or cracking open the ribcage? I mean, yeah, you can say it's to test for a disease, remove a tumor, repair a heart, but in any other context, those are extremely violent acts. You're ripping into a person's body.
More food for thought. Where do YOU reside in your body? What does it mean to you to have a body? What is "your body?" What parts aren't? What could you lose and still be you?
Lots of heavy stuff, eh?
One of my guys from TCH, Clemente, got out today. Thank you, God :) Kalin gets out tomorrow. Thank you, God :)
Just thoughts.
February 16, 2001 2:18 pm
Wow! I have readers from wisc.edu, ucla.edu, unc.edu, and berkeley.edu. And that's just from the last 30 hits. Someone from Kansas, too.
Just thoughts.
February 20, 2001 10:01 pm
The more I think about it, the more I'm not sure if I REALLY want to go on STINT this coming year. I'd much rather go with InterServe, since it's more likely that I will see medical missions stuff there than on STINT. If medical missions is something I'm seriously considering (which I am), wouldn't it make sense to try to get a feel for what it actually is, instead of just working with college students?
I dunno. The applications are out, and I really have no say in the matter now. I'll let them get back to me, and let God take me where He will.
I was kinda disappointed at the hubbub over at the back 40 where things just got a bit heated. It's one of those things where it seemed like people just sorta got carried a way a bit in the discussion, and feelings were hurt, apparently. While both sides had good points, I think it really does boil down to an issue of conscience, and where God takes your heart. So long as people don't get lazy and comfortable in their decision, and remain open to the possibility of God convicting them as they grow in their knowledge and love of God, then it's not that big of a deal if you ask me. Oh, by the way, the topic was kids, contraception, the use of, etc. The threads may have moved on to other pages by now. The threads really generated a lot of posts. I know that between last night this time, and this morning at 11 am, there was an entire page and a half worth of posts. It seems that some of my internet friends have more free time than I do. :)
I went to an Orthodox Jewish service this past Saturday morning at the Chabad House across the street from campus. It was very interesting. Then again, to me, just about all religious activity is interesting. One of the major things I noticed was that there were no undergraduate students that I knew there, but there was a Religious Studies professor from Rice there. The weird thing is that I then got into a conversation about Jesus, the fulfillment of the Law, and why Christians no longer feel compelled to obey the Law to the letter. We never got to finish the conversation, but I'm sure that even if we had talked longer, nothing would have been truly finished. :) All in all, though I enjoyed the experience. However, it became pretty clear to me that the more Protestant/Christian idea of beliefs being important was not exactly the way that this group of Jews operated. Some beliefs were important, but at the same time, a lot of it was ritual, and the rabbi seemed to be the one "doing" the worship in the service. Some of the congregation did participate, and there were communal readings/prayers said out loud, but there was also a lot more talking, getting up, and moving around during the service than normally occurs in a generic Protestant service, and it was all accepted as a part of the service. Even when the younger children were talking or maybe even bordering on a throwing a fit, everything still continued, and the kids really didn't seem to see the service as a quiet, reverential experience. Anyway, a lot of this should probably go into my observation/analysis paper for this service, so I'll get back to that.
Just thoughts.
February 22, 2001 1:22 am
Dr. Tour spoke on prayer on Friday at the Crusade meeting. In particular, he focused on I Chronicles 4:9-10, the prayer of Jabez. On Sunday, Pastor Ed Lee also spoke on the prayer of Jabez. I don't believe in coincidences. God engineers circumstances. By "engineering," I mean that He has a plan, a design in mind for the happenings of this world. He is in control of the situations that I find myself in, and the things that I experience. Dr. Tour and Pastor Ed both talked about praying expectantly and with faith. The basic idea is that we don't pray with faith enough. Stealing from someone else's web journal (who doesn't even know me), it's as if we're we too content, or too satisfied with the status quo. Praying is about changing the way things are. Jabez was praying for God to change things. To enlarge his land. To move and change the world around him. That is how I need to be praying.
Prayer also has this funny way of highlighting sin. It's that change thing again. If prayer is about not being satisfied with the way things are, there's also a lot of sin in my life that I'm DEFINITELY not satisfied with. This week has been good for addressing some of that. As I pray, and try to pray more consistently, more expectantly, more earnestly, I see that I'm not the man I need to be. Far from it. And I'm amazed at how God still uses me. I honestly do not know how God's grace does it, but that's part of grace, I suppose. It's not that I deserve to be used in such cool ways by God, but because God, out of His infinite love and wisdom, sees fit to do so.
I'm excited about the Mexico trip. I definitely want to be in constant prayer for that one.
Sometimes I saddened by my breaking up with Lisa (in case y'all don't know, yes, I broke up with her). For many reasons. Part of it is knowing that one of the best chapters of my life is now over. Part of it is regretting mistakes that I've made in the relationship. Part of it is the present distance that I have to have with one of my best friends, because of the way emotions are. And there's so much more. And at the same time, I know this had to be. *sigh* Such is life. Sometimes, God takes us down different paths, even after bringing us together. More prayer material. I pray that what we have invested in each other over the last two years will be blessed and grown up to fruition by God. I pray that we made our time together a time we can look back and say, "Wow, God, you really did a good job. I know you were in our relationship, in spite of ourselves, and working in both of us, together."
Just thoughts.
February 22, 2001 9:35 am
I just wanted to clarify something from above. The breaking up with Lisa was a mutual thing, which we talked and prayed about. I just wanted to make sure that was clear.
Just thoughts.
February 24, 2001 1:38 am
I'm excited about the trip to Monterrey, Mexico for spring break. I'm kinda sad, too. There were some I'd hoped would go, and aren't, but there are also some people going that I didn't expect, and so I'm really excited about that. I look forward to spending some good quality time with some of the guys on this trip, and maybe even do some brain dumping about the stuff that I've learned in my time here. I really hope to have some good time talking to some of the guys. I expect to sleep very little on this trip.
Dr. Emerson spoke tonight at the Crusade meeting, and it was very interesting. I liked it a lot, and the more I think about it, the more I like what he said, and the more I'm coming to agree with his book. It's well worth reading for any Christian interested in racial reconciliation and how protestant evangelical Christianity has affected that issue in American society throughout the nation's history. I definitely want to spend some more time talking to him about different things. He's now doing his research on ethnic churches.
Rice baseball won again today, so we're now 12-2. A very nice start.
I just learned how to play When you say nothing at all by Allison Krauss last night. Brandon, one of the guys in my sophomore Bible study taught me when he came over to hang out with us. It was pretty cool :) We even serenaded Scotty to sleep :) I think he might be willing to lead worship for FCA one of these days. At least I hope he'll be. Then Jeremiah wouldn't have to do it alone, and FCA would have some relatively strong leaders to take them through the next couple of years. That's one thing I've noticed. FCA doesn't really seem to have strong leadership or vision, at least not recently. A lot of the baseball guys used to be it, like Damon, Jake, and others (at least that's how it seemed to me), but a lot of them just don't quite seem to have the same desire to love and serve God. Part of it might have to do with the fact that more athletes seem to come from Texas small towns, so their walk has been a little more cultural, and not quite challenged in the way that it definitely is at Rice.
I guess what I mean is that having grown up in smaller towns in Texas, many of the men and women of FCA haven't really been pressed to lead in the way that other Christians from around the nation have. To many, it seems like they're a bit overwhelmed by Rice, college life, and just being a Christian in a new environment. There are a couple freshmen guys that I know who seem to have some solid grounding from their past, but seem to be a little unsure and confused as to how to "do" Christianity here at Rice.
I'm really hoping this post-graduation road trip works out. I also have be careful with my budget right now, to make sure the trip is a possibility.
According to emode.com, I tested first as a pug, and then as a German shepherd. My true color is blue. My secret superpower is time travel. I am a paperback. My emotional IQ is 133 (I'm not sure about that... I think it should be lower). My TV family is the Simpsons (?!?), and I'm a Chosen One (according to their Ulimate Personality Test... no, I don't have a messiah complex).
Just thoughts.
February 25, 2001 8:10 pm
Two sadnesses today (well sorta).
First, the less important one. It looks like I'm not going skiing after all, because of circumstances. And I was really hoping to be able to go, too. :( Now, I don't know what I'll do that latter part of break. I guess the bright side is that I save some money. Maybe I'll work and make some money. We'll see. I'd still rather go skiing.
Now for the other one. I'm not sure that it's all sadness, but it is something that's not totally happy. Tonight, we took communion at Ecclesia, and it just made my sin, the sheer ugliness and putrescence of my sin, so apparent to me. It was as if I could feel the sliminess of it cling to my skin, and irritate my soul. Festering boils is the sort of thought that comes to mind. The utter disgust I felt towards my sin was offset by the understanding that I have imputed righteousness. The blood was poured, the body broken, for me. Because of that, I'm able to know what righteousness is. I'm able to know what it is to be clean from sin.
An article on MSNBC.com about web journals. I found out from that article that "blog" is short for "weblog." I never knew that. So I guess I do have a "blog." Although I really like "web journal" better. A "bjo," maybe? Probably not.
Just thoughts
February 27, 2001 11:49 am
Oh my goodness! Greg updated leth! :)
I got my new CDs yesterday, and you can see that I'm listening to them right now. They're pretty good. I like them. I also have some more thoughts on something I got in the mail from the Kid Brothers of St. Frank, which I'll write about a little later when I have some time. I just wanted to make sure I mentioned it here.
Oh yeah, thanks for changing the thing on the top of the back 40, Richard. You really didn't have to. :) At least I know someone is reading my page, and not just visiting it :)
Just thoughts.